Words

This is From Ghassan a darling friend.

something for you:

“Words, they can lift you up or pull you down...
They can make you smile or make you frown...
Words can give us hope or take it away...
They can change from day to day...
Words can be true or not at all...
They can help us grow or make us fall...
Words can take a heart or rip it apart...
They are so powerful right from the start...
Words can help us understand...
They also can be used to demand...
Words can be gentle, loving and sweet...
They can make us feel we cannot be beat...
Words can burn deep into a soul...
They can also take their toll...
Words should be thought about before they are said...
They can be hurtful when misread...
Words should always mean what they say...
They should make our pain go away...
Words are precious and cherished by few...
They should be chosen wisely by me and you.”

Trying To Smile

Lost in thought

kahin dekh rahe hai ki shayad chahat chupi hai,
chand ke achal se muskurah kar dekh rahi hai,
chamkati chandni jhilmila rahi thi,
hazar tookdon mein toot kar bikhar rahi thi,
parchai ban jati hain boondo mein,
ous ki choti palkon main.
zindagi kuch der ke liye asan lagti hai,
dard ko peeche kahin chod ke chal deti hain,
har sapna sach ke aghosh mein sota hain,
sunehar pal yadon mein kaidh hone ko betab hote hain,
ankhen bandh karne ka man nahin karta,
dar lagta hain kahin andhera gher na le,
hum se hamri chahat jheen na le,
kabhi kabhi ake dastak deti hai khushi,
kabhi kabhi keemat nahin mangti thodi der jeene ki

Life

Looking at life from a dual perspective is very important. It helps you not to be a selfish, self centered individual.Its been difficult for me though. Thus despite all my efforts towards being a
good individual I guess this one big flaw has coloured my several attempts to be the perfect kid.
I like my life to be painted with my colours,one for every emotion. Blue when I am calm, green when i am contemplative, red when I am passionate,golden when I am spiritual, purple when I am angry,black when I am sad and white when I am drifting. Its very unsettling when the picture I paint is less than perfect.
Every individual has a world of thoughts and beliefs from which he keeps on borrowing a shade or two. Most of the time these shades dominate his landscape giving character to the potrait.
A attempt to blend colours which dont come from the deep reserve within ends up in a creation that is not truthful, its a lie that is drapped with brushes of paint and left to dry. But today or tommorrow when the paint starts to peal the truth stands out exposed and vulnerable.
Living your dream versus living in reality. Its a dilema that is a part of each human beings everyday struggle. TO BE OR NOT TO BE. Thats the question. Happiness is not only about our dreams its about living others. The satisfaction that you get when you see the person for whom you have made surreal real is something that cannot be matched by the gladness of your heart when u live only for yourself.
Every Individual knows this, the effort is to try and find the conviction to bring it into functionality. Usually the only motivating factor that works is love. A emotion above all and is all.
I could have claimed to have understood the emotion. But as you cannot fathom the wisdom of god. Love is a puzzle that you cannot solve. It exists yet it doesent ,now you can feel it now it disappears. life is consistent it flows like river on a plain.Without any hurdles,without any obstruction.It meanders silently covering a mile at a time. Sometimes the skies darken and the winds blow hard, then it quivers uncomfortable with the sudden change in its everyday frabic.The storm comes and storm goes, life resumes its usual routine.
There is no place for anything volatile in a common mans life. There has to be a consistent thread that keeps the whole fabric togther. Sometimes you have to compromise on your colours,
a shade darker or a shade lighter will have to do. As long as the weave is even and soothing to the eye, life has to be seen as a larger picture not as a matter of a colour or two.

Khushi

koshish karte hain aj ko tham leni ki,
khushi ko apni muthi main bandh leni ki,
gam ke sayon se daman bachane ki,
dil ko rok late hain dhadakne se,
is khauff se ki kahin uski awaz sun na le,
ehsas hone se pehle dil ki muskhurahat koi chura na le,
itna kho chuke hain hum,ki khushi bhi ras nahin ati,
dard ka ehsas badha ke chali jati hai,
nazar main asson ki adat hai, khushi bewafa hain chidha ke chal deti hain,
gam apna hain sath nibhata hai.

Mohabbat

kuch alag sa ehsas hoti ha mohabat,
Dard ke mukbare par khadi hoti chahat,
Har pal mar kar khudh ko dhoonti huyi jhoonjhoonlahat,
Ek pal main duniya ki har khushi la kar godh bhar deti hain mohabat,
eK hi pal main zindagi ujjad deti hain mohabat,
Maloom hota hai ki jala degi ye shamma,
phir bhi jalne ki jaroorat paida karti hai ye mohabat,

Asoon

Baki ek hi asoon hain,
jo asmayish kar raha hai jeene ki,
dard hai jo majboor kar raha hai ki ek hi palmein khudjkhusi kar le,
apni zindagi uski nam kar de kambakht jo arzoo le gaya jeene ki.

Painting

Breaking away today slowly,
cleaning the webs delicately,
trying to peep into tommorrow shyly,
reflecting into the closeted soul,
trying to find answers,
seraching endlessly,
standing at a crossroard .
A road unknown is pitted against a road known,
A dilema that has been faced by a poet well known,
struggling,fighting,wriggling,yet unable to get free,
A life is full contradictions of ifs and would have beens,
but the final call is of destiny of what has decided and will be,
a path etched for you in the skies,a road that unfolds on this earth,
And all you can do is follow , silently with your dreams firmly held in your heart,
with the strength to live your life painted on a canvass of unceratinity with a brush of the
almighty.

HURT

Dreams have a life of their own, breathing, growing, coloring your vision with shades of the rainbow or smudging your sight with dark opaque shades. Astha looked out of the clear glass trying to trace the droplets of water trickling down unaware of their end. Beautiful they were with their shiny sparkly round bodies; she wished that she could rush like them, desperate to dissolve into the cosmos. Her hands were getting cold; she gets up from the couch and steps towards the kitchen wanting to keep the mug in the sink. Warmth always escapes her even before she begins to get comfortable; before she keeps the mug down she tries to scavenge the last bit. DONT! Don’t think, don’t dream, don’t desire, don’t look forward, and don’t want. She looks out again at the pouring rain and smiles, it was ethereal the picture outside, green touching the skyline, droplets crashing down on the with a vengeance, she took a deep breath to catch the whiff of the sweet fragrance that fills the air when the scorching earth drinks to its satisfaction. Then bit by bit the images start to collate, she tries to turn away, tries to run away but they seem to be pulling her, cajoling her towards their cozy existence, she reprimands herself but their grasp is too strong. They show her a tomorrow that’s so beautiful, so perfect how she can ignore, how she can not walk towards the world her world when it’s perfect, where she is loved and cherished and the queen of somebody’s heart and world. A very bad idea, escapism is like a drink, a temporary solution. The next day you wake up to a splitting headache. But that does not keep you from drinking again. But as they say drinking to express joy is not the same as drinking to hide sorrow. So finally with a lot of effort ground reality is embraced once again. Full stop. She gets up and goes across to the window and throws it open, wind gushes in with a vengeance pregnant with bubbles of water and splashes on her face she has lived the moment. The cold brings her back to life, the breeze brings to her doorstep the beauty of life and she leans across to catch as much as she can of this miracle. There is the faint ringing of a bell and she tries to catch its sound trying to place it into the puzzle of her mind and it grows louder and consistent. Its loud
Enough to drown her thinking, its hurting her now somebody is trying to talk to her. There are words in-between the harshness she can’t decipher what they mean.
She crashes on the ground writhing in pain. Suddenly the noise has stopped. There is peace. She slowly looks up at the whirring fan circling like a mad vulture,
She looks away. Life just refuses to let her live.
The noise had got her once again. It was not going to let go of her. It was here to stay. Everything that should be with her slowly finds its way out of her cosmos.
An empty nest is an open invitation to characters of destruction.
Lot of effort and she finds her two feet. Standing on them is difficult, she stumbles, nobody holds her, there is hurt. A smile adorns her face. Her stride is more confident. She moves towards the almirah, beneath a maroon sari lies her
Faith her dreams her life. He smiles at her his sweet innocent smile. She smiles back at him for the last time. Her fingers tenderly tracing the counters of his face. In a flash his smile had been broken into a million pieces. Hurt was hurt by her.

There was no place for him in her life.

Eve

Eve of tommorrow,
A today slowly dieing in the arms of yesterday,
Living a lie hoping for it to turn into reality,
Waiting,patience slowly ebbing away,
Belief slowly crushing itself under the weight of reality,
Pink no longer is life ,red is not my favourite colour,
colours are changing so are the seasons,
light is turning into darkness,
strength is what you have,faith keeps you going,
the wind is blowing strong,
roots are going to be uprooted,
houses are going to lose their rooftops,
people are going to lose their shelters,
Upheavel will reign,
In the mind, In the soul.
A silver of sunshine peeping through the blackness,
Life a a flow of tides sometimes a high and sometimes a low.

Sea Of Humanity

Mirage

Yesterday I though about love.Yes once agian ! why because thats the only reason why we are here in the first place,why we get up every morning and begin the drill called life. There are a
few people who are lucky enough to wake up to a life where they live the emotion.Others like me have to find solace in hope.That one fine day perhaps morning will bring with it not emptyness but a fullfillment. Few months ago I could say life was complete.There were fireworks in the sky and I desired nothing else but for the feeling of joy to to be nestled in some corner of my heart forever. There was denial also but then who wants to think about the future when your present is so beautiful.What I though was love left me with a acute heartache
a disillusion about the most potent desire. What was it I wonder? for somebody to forget a bond that was supposed be stronger than blood took less than 2 weeks.Blinking of a eye and two years of endless conversations,care,compassion and endless waits was just washed away.The tears were mine and eyelids were his. Then what is love a mirage. The moment you come close it vanishes and marriage is a compromise that waits to happen.

Conscience

I think man unnecessarily gets worried about life.The right things and the wrong. What he says
and does is a part of a pre decided puzzle which is played in the heavens above. Its written in the bible that Man can never be good enough to not need the grace of god.If God chooses you its
because of his greatness and mercy not becasue you have been a ideal human being.
Having sincerely endeavoured to be a decent human being and failed miserably.I have to live with the fact that I am not perfect,(though I would like to believe so :) ) .I have given in to the darkside a lot many times and everytime have cursed my mortal being to it. My penchant for a rum and coke on a saturday night with a malbro light for company and my biggest shortcoming. Expectation from a humanbeing.There is no happiness as in giving. I dont know whether to approve or not. Giving has never been a thought out process its been a no options have to do it kind of a act.Maybe thats what you call a conscience.

6 Day week Trauma

I hate working a 6 day week i mean isnt it enough that i slog for the existing 5 days with stress
levels hitting the roof that I have to spend the other two combating high blood pressure.
This new job had been a medical nightmare with my system revloting with a vengence. The boss
thinks that we have no life or rather should have no life every living moment is in the fear of
under achieving. Well I dont think things are going to change much unless my boss changes his
philosphy or i change my job. Both things as possible as karan johar being straight.
Anyways its 5 minutes to 7:00p.m and i want to go home......some more sulking can be done then though nobody can beat my brother to it though ......

Azmayish

Chahe hum khudh ko azma ke dekhe,
Har woh cheez jo hame bandhti hai todke dekhe,
kya is jung ka koi fayda hai,jab jise jeetna hai wohi hansil nahin hai.
Har waqt jab kuch dhoondla sa yaad ata hai,ye jaroor sochte hai hum,
ki sapne tode jate hain,har jhooth ko sach bana kar dikhaya jata hai.
woh jhooth ko hum sach mante hai aur pani mein uski tasveer dhoondte hain,
woh tasveer jo boondon se ho kar jhalakti hai,aur usko dekh kar hum muskara jate hain
jal mein ek sajish hoti hai,tum pe hasne ka irada hota hai,kuch der ke liye asman dikha ke
zameen ki haqeekat bayan hoti hai.
naseeb ko karte hain khada katahare mein aur kahte hai ki tum gunehgar ho,
Aur kar bhi kya sakte hai? Aur kar bhi kya sakte hain zindagi se ladte ladte thak chuke hain,
har woh asha tumhare apne paron tale marte hue,ahiste ahiste peeghalte hue dekhte hain aur khade rahte hain khamosh,
asoon aj bhi jalak jate hain lekin na jane kahan se chupke se palkon ki khidki pe dastak deti
jati hain.

HR Woes

Its the 31st of the month and this date usually makes me feel a little useful in life ! because today i usually get to see numbers that are going to get translated into a dinner,groceries,the light i see at night,the salwar kammez i am going to wear and that crazy smile on my brothers face when i let him talk a little while longer to his girlfriend on my phone.Well but today i am not feeling any good at all infact i am feeling very very angry ! angry at being taken for granted when six days of your hard work are just wiped away with a wave of a irresponible hand it just makes your blood boil.HR anywhere around the world is the most @$^&*9 department they thing that they are gods gift to the unfortunate extremely dumb asses who slog their sorry but every freaking day of the week including sunday.when 8 hours is all they will grace their chair with 5 times a week the rest two being the much needed break. When every freaking muscle in your body is singing a himesh reshamaiya tune.

You

Thoughts of you cross my mind
Every second that we’re apartI know that you’re the one for me
I knew it from the start
I dream about your smile
In the midst of a busy day
And thank my lucky starsFor sending you my way
My days are so much brighter
Since you came into my life
I see a world of beauty
Each time I look into your eyes
You bring out the best in me
You keep me standing tall
I’ve never been this happy
Till you freed my heart and soul
I think you are amazing
The best there ever could be
With no doubt I can tell
That you’re the only one for me

thinking of you .. :) Thank you ghassan for filling my life with words that still the soul.

Ghassan is a activist working in warn torn palestine.I have never met him neither will I ever.What we share is
a understanding that perhaps comes from the seed of grief,of truely comprehending what sadness is and of
trying to find faith in the swamp of disappointment.they say that the world is bound with energy every single living organism thrives on this rythum.Its perhaps on this tune we dance,with the silhoutte of darkness as a backdrop.

Friday Blues

I am not cut out to write stories not like i will not be able to but because i do not have the patience.Actually its pretty depressing I mean I always thought that it would come effortlessly.
But sitting in one place for a long period of time punching in words constantly trying to put put my dreams onto paper.Thats a Effort. Have concluded that i like my dreams in my mind space
totally untangible.Paper and black ink makes it look all real i dont like it.
But will attempt it nevertheless,dont like the sound of CANT.
I hate the whole world today.I guess not hate,just cant stand it today.would like to stay at home
and stare at my new BIG television.Have been like that for soemtime actually a week totally
BLAH...........................
The colour that i would actually like in my life is the colour RED.

A perfect Union

If I was sitting to write this yesterday words would have been a stream that flowed effortlessly.
Today is a different story....As they say Impact of a situation declines over passage of time and same is the case with my reflections.Its amazing how life turns out to be a reflection in a mirror.
Whats even more amazing is when it stares at you from a 75 mm screen.
For a die hard romantic ,auntumn leaves and melodious music is a sure shot formula of feeling of
being transported in candy land.Kank delivered all that.what it also delivered was a reality punch.Love can be so irrtaional at times, I guess its always irrational. A emotion that is perhaps
the most intense in the hierarchy cannot have a simple equation to it.
Fear of the unknown and the dark has always been a part of my psyche.Coming back home on saturday night when shadows lined my side,light dawned slowly yet steadily.Sadness always coats you with a film that suffoctaes every breath of hope.It takes a lot of effort for one to cut through that.That night I saw it happen,I saw myslef rise above the long list of wants that had
blocked my happiness and As I did that I saw the light that was evading me for the longest time.
Its not about how much love somebody else brings in your life its about how much you cna love soembody else.As a human being its not possible to keep aside everything and love everybody unconditionally,but it is possible to narrow it down to a select few and weave your world around it.
Yesterday night for the first time dreams were not about a union of a man and a woman it was a
union between a woman and child.

Water Water Everywhere !

Water ! thirsting for a drop,throat parched,dry like the barren land, water surrounding you
covering each and every patch of land devouring your existance wiping away your world.
Working for a medium that is supposed to keep the world updated on the incidents of importance it came as a rude shock when i came back home one day and switched on the television. Images of villages totally sumberged in the womb of angry waters,human forms desperately searching for a piece of land ,where they can rest for sometime where their life
is safe from dissolving into nothingness.millions of people displaced ,Lakhs of people evacuated ,hundreds dead.somewhere the numbers stop making sense and what is left is this deep sense of helplessness.
As i sat there dumbed and astounded,the dance of destruction is happening just a few hundred
kilometers away from me and i have no clue.Editorial call or judgement as they say nowdays
is taken in tandem to the target audience. A urban english news channel viewer i guess is not bothered about the devastation of this magnitude hitting its neighbouring village.What he is really intrested in i guess is the bantering of a old man who has filled his pockets with food for oil money or the new supposedly new kid on the cricket block.
seventy five percent of india is still rural,every peddar road apartment has some of its roots in some form or the other in the soil of the rural farm a ancestor or a help who has left his or her family to come and serve the urban rich. How can there be a disconnect ? what are we trying to say that our sensitivities are dead, that destructions steps away doesnt move us,that all that matters to us urbanites is hyped political contoversy and soundbytes of supposedly superstars.
I refuse to buy this theory I refuse to let anybody believe that are hearts have turned so cold ,
we are a nation of responsible beings where compassion reigns in our hearts supreme,where
we come out on the road to offer warm tea to stranded strangers wont we be concerned about
our brother who has lost everything in this wide world and looks at the sky with a drop of water in his eye.