Baarish ki dastak

Dhund ki dhundlahat main dhoondhte hai hum ahat,
kisi apne ke aas paas hone ki chahat,
barish ke girte padte boonodon ki thartharahat,
apne badan ko choom ke phisal jane ki woh adat,
khushboo ek nayi subah ki lane wali woh andhi,
apne sath le ati hai kisi ki nazar ko dhoondhne ki jhunjhulahat,
darwaze par dastak jab koi deta hai,
sir se paon take jab bheeg ke kapkapata hai,
thake, huye hatoon main garam garam jalebi,
sirf tumhare sath pehli barish baatne ke liye woh safar ki kahani,
hum poochte rehte hai ki pyaar kya hai,
har barish ke mahine main woh pehli dastak uski haazri hai.

kya ?

Aj sone ki chamak main hassi dhundi,
uske peele dano main khushi dhoondi,
Har pal jo khab dekha tha aj pura hai magar,
aj ake khab ke mayane kuch aur ho gaye magar,
har chhez ki keemat hoti hai,
aj jana ki sone ka pinjar ke mayine kya hote hai,
kal mehez mehendi ke abhushanon main jo khushi thi,
sone main taul kar kyoon nahin milti,
dekhna hai ki kya takat hai mujhmain ke har bandhan ko tod kar,
kya udh payungi,
arzoo aj bhi hai lekin,
dar lagta hai ki khaab sach hokar toot jaye toh kya karungi.

Aj hai Najayaz

Aj ne kal ko ek tasver bana diya hai,
har dard har khab ko usmain usko cheeepa diya hai,
aj us dard ko phir se thoda ji loon,
phir aj ke liye dua na mangu, shukriya ada karu,
aj hath dua main nahin uth rahe hai,
aj wapis dard hai,
aj kal se khoobsurat hai phir bhi kyoon chubh raha hai,
yeh bechaini haram ki aulad hai, jayaz hai phir bhi najayaz

Hoh ?

tum agar padh rahe ho,
salon ka safar aj kuch lafz main padh rahe ho,
aj un salon ka wasta,
aj tum utha lo woh kuch lafz,
aur tham lo mera hath,
aj gum ho rahi hoon khudh ke gali se,
shayadh aj kabhi na lagne wala tumhara sath chahiye,
shayadh aj bhi tum apne kadham peeche kheech loge,
apne aap se kuch pal ja jhooth bol loge,
kal ka sach aj main ghum ho jayega,
phir main tumhara pyaar kho doongi,jo kuch pal the,
lekin aj jo nahin hai, aur shayd kal main bhi ghum tha,

kabhi yaad ajati hai woh chamakte huye kuch bati,
woh halka sa ek gana aur tumhara us gane ka aks meri nazar main dhoondne ka andaz,
phir jab raten akeli ho jati hai,
tab main dhoondtu hoon usi gaane main,
kuch pal ga sahara,
woh ek pal ki muskan,
woh kuch kal ka asra,
phir ruk jati hoon,
kal ki muskanon main aj ki tanhai bhualana shayad itna asan hota,
toh phir shahayad koi asoon nhain bahata,
ek play ki jisam ki garmahat ke liye na khareedta,
na pyar ka naam deke janam bhar ka sath saude main khareedta

Aj

shayad aj shuru se shuru kare,
na khud ko na hi zamane ko moka de,
aj khud se sach kahe,
jhoot ka sahara na le na kisi ko de,
phir shayad kal naya ho,
sirf shayad main na rahe,
haqqekat main tabdeel ho,
lekin shurwat toh aj karni padegi,
kadam toh aj uthana padega,
rasta shayad hai, lekin mukam tay hai,
deri hai phir bhi, hosla nahin hai ya phir asha nahin,
aj phir se shayad khud ko behla diya,
sach ko jhoot ke daman main cheepa diya.

panna

Its been a long time since I have done this, but again there is always a beginning which always starts at an end somewhere and I find myself visiting this end and beginning more often than i would like to but then if u are stuck in this wheel called life rather u churn the wheel in the cage. what do i write, frankly I dont want to.

har woh panna jo padh chuke hain aj wapis khol rahe hai,
kash ki yeh zindagi ki kitab hum kabhi padhna arambh hi nahin karte,
lekin yeh hamare hath main kahan,
hath main hain toh sirf har panne ko har din ek ek kar ke khole,
kahbhi hume hasati hai likhi hui hamare liye hamari taqddeer,
zaroorat se kabhi zyada rula deti hai hamari hi kahani,
ankhen bandh nahin karsakte hai hum lekin,
jeene ki saza hoti hai  ki hum har panna padhe,
kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki humne yeh kahani kabhi pehle bhi padhi hai,
ya phir kisi ki zubani bayan hui hai,
jaan kar bhi phi hum anjane ban jate hai,
phir khol lete hai aur ek panna, aur ek subha ke sath

Satyamev Jayate !

The thought that perhaps my soul has finally drowned in the present need for more, walked across me today. It was during this confrontation that I managed to get a few glimpses of satyamev jayate anchored by Aamir Khan.I Hoping to get the much needed kick in the conscious. Nothing touches your heart except sincerity and that was exactly what was missing from the whole show of fake emotion. With glycerin tears and non existing concern plastered on his face, the question of the hour was lost in the world famous Indian empathy. What needs to change is this empathy, its today that we live in, yet the feeling of subordination that made us slaves of a foreign power for more than a century still rides with us. Recognizing the power within when the damage is done is what we have always done, we fought for our independence when we had already been bled dry and today we fight for our bare existence. We need to wake up and recognize the power we have today, as a democracy and a country which is climbing the ladder from being a third world country and us as citizens of such a power. Female infanticide. Dowry death, emancipation, sexual, financial, emotional abuse we have lived and survived all this and more. In this 21^st century where the press holds to ransom everybody from the politician to the chaatwala, we need to wake up to our worth as an individual. That is the fight we need to fight today to be able to recognize the truth in ourselves and in our situation and have the will and the strength to stand up to the truth. We need to free ourselves from the shackles of insecurity that make us weak, scared, selfish and empathetic human beings. We need to fight not just for an existence but for a better quality of existence. We need to not only recognize and accept the fact that only truth prevails but also have the strength to pursue it then only hum sachai se keh payenge satyamev jayate !

looked back over my shoulder,
to catch the rays of the sun,
hoping for a brightness capsuled in a thread,
the desire of a human is always to want the best,
sometimes its a interpretation that is not always right for your health,
it took just a blinking and darkness caught my eye,
the hope for a glow of sunlight turned into the despair of the inky sky,
a moment that exists now can never be revisited back, if you look over your shoulder,
you would find a twisted right,
then perhaps you rather hold the sunlight in your heart,
the need to look at the reality could end up destroying the image of the light,
a moment is lived through eternity if it resides in your heart,
dont bring it to life in a world past its prime,
the light shall me born again but first the night has to dawn,
it may be of a different hue and could dance a different dance,
but it still would be sunlight that would warm your cold wooden heart.

A new beginning

As the new year is just know at the door and the current year is just on the verge of saying good bye I sit and wonder about how my world has come about a full circle.The beginning was pretty dynamic the hope that every beginning brings the finality that a end carries with it seems to be missing. Sometimes though the finishing line has been reached at you dont want to accept it when you have lost the race. Its when you sit and the stands and see the winners exhibiting their happiness that you realize it is over. Either you sit there and curse the universe for your fate or you go and stand at the start ready for another race. Determined that this one you are going to win.
I stand today at the start ready to set and go, looking at the smiling faces around me, with a big smile on my face, ready to once again run with destiny and fight it for my share of victory

a question.....

I must have never questioned my faith as much as I have in theses past few months, sometimes you misjudge the importance of something in your life and then you stand at the crossroad when you have staked it at the table of life and you have lost. At that moment you dont know which way to take the one less traveled by seems as good as the one which is tried and tested. Its a place where you never thought you would find yourself, and nothing you have ever experienced will ready you for it. yet you stand staring at the road ahead asking your heart to show you the way. You have a very nasty doubt that your heart is probably changing color and you cannot listen to it anymore. From here the journey is alone, desperately you look up for the directions you have got till now and you draw a blank. Right wrong simply just seem muddled up right does'nt hurt ego does and you wonder if its your ego knocking at your heart and tearing your heart apart. Is it fair that every time i have to look inside my soul for a ego that may not always exist does it hurt enough maybe it doesnt does it have to. Perhaps the need to find fault within myself every time helps to forgive does the fault exist. Cant I forgive without finding a fault that exists within me that's something that would make you a good human being. I cant where does that put me as a person there are some questions to which you get answers when you are no longer looking for them and this question seems exactly to be the one.

Time

I ma absolutely at a loss, the feeling of not knowing is the worst of any emotion which could arise in your soul. The possibility of not knowing from where the next batch of self earned money is going ton come is a pretty scary proposition especially for somebody like me who has always been the one who has fulfilled every missing gap. As things take their own sweet time, I wonder where will be the next stop. Its a place where I find myself every two years. Not a a very happy place to be if i could help it. I dont like change like most hapless human beings its mostly shoved down my throat most of the time I like the taste but there are also some of those times when I absolutely detest it. I wonder how its going to taste this time though I am not liking what is being presented currently. Its a matter of time that is what everybody is saying but what if there was no time, what if this was it time had arrived and it had arrived with nothing in its hand, with nothing to offer.

self sustainence

The ability to self sustain is the most valuable one will ever learn. Though the learning process will have tears rolling down your eyes, its worth it. It may severe the softness and harden the soft tissues of the heart but then one will never hurt again. For somebody who has such a low threshold for pain it is a valuable lesson.

circle of life

I dont think u ever get to leave the circle u begin life with its like a dog catching his tail. Your whole life you try bypassing the path and cut across to a life you want but you inadvertently end up circling again. Before you realize the futility of it its time to say goodbye your feet just get old and one day u stop circling and thats the end of the repetitive journey

single life adiue !

I must have dreamed about this day a million times for the past 29 years of my life but today as I spend the last few hours of my single life it all seems just perfect. It seems very weird when I use the word perfect in describing this decision it was always the most imperfect decision and the most
imperfect person. But then as I type out these few words as a a bachelorette the person is the most
ideal and the life circumstance right too. Right now the only thing that comes to my mind is " the zahir " one has to travel a whole journey around the world to find what is valuable just by his side.

sapnon ki titli

muthi khol tithli udi,
pankhon pe hazar rangon ki odhni odhi,
nazar pakade tabhi, kahin pal main meri nazar se hati,
socha tha ke uske sang oodh jaoon,
door des kahin pahunch jaoon,
bandh karke rakha thaa use,
sapnon se bandh rakha tha use,
har rang main cheepa tha ek sapna,
jagmagata jhilmilata,
kisi ek din oodh jaoon,
than rakha tha man main,
duniya bhar se ladkar,
sambhala tha use maine,
har raat jab apni muthi dil ke paas rakhti thi main,
dil dhadakta, do bol batiya usse,
un sapnon ke sach hone par,
meetha toh zaroor khilaiyo,
hawa pe sawar hokar khushiyon ki chittiyan
zaroor likhwaiyo,
har sapna jab sachai ka daman thamega,
us odhni ka ek dhaga mujhe zaroor chuwayio,
ankhen bandh karke us titli ko maine apne kareeb paya,
andheron ki garaj se apni khushi ko maine mehfooz sulaya,
aj subha thi woh jise barson se jagana chaha,
chath bar bhag ayi main,
duniya se chipte chipate,
muthi ko asman ke taraf halke se uthake,
saans ko apne aap main dabake,
halke se khol ke muthi,apne jism ko uthake,
tayar ho gayi main sapnon ke shehar udjane,
palak jhapakte hi kahin udgayi woh,
sunni muthi chod gayi woh,
koshish ki maine bahut udjane ki,
khadi reh gayi khali asman ko takti,
sapnon ki dhokebazi ko niharti,
sachai dastak deti hai jab,
dil dhadakna bandh kardeta hai tab

Happppy birthday Anuja.

Dear Anuja wish you a very happy birthday,


The sparkling calm blue ocean is what describes you best. You sparkle with glamor and style , your goodness goes deep as the ocean and your calmness is best reflected in the color blue.

I want ...but will I survive the want ?

It helps to look at life with some practicality and at yourself too. Sometimes what you want becomes so overwhelming that you cannot see the deep waters in front of you. The fact that you cannot swim becomes reality only when you walk into the deep end and you start drowning.You cant breath as water starts choking you it gets into your nostrils your mouth and your eyes and suddenly the only reality for you is survival. The want, desire,longing everything is washed away by saline water and the only thing you want is somehow to survive. At that point you wonder what the f#$& were you thinking when you started the walk towards mount sinai but at that point maybe you have walked into the deep so far that there is no turning back the deep has claimed you and shall have your for dinner. you end up on a dinner plate as somebody Else's dinner. what do you want before you ask yourself that question maybe the first question you should ask is will I survive.

me and you

If you find me here more often, then 9 out of 10 I am pretty upset though this once its purely because I have so much to share.... as they say happiness is a thought away. I must say that Its much easier to enter the sanctuary than ever before . I guess the realisation that everything begins and ends with him is a realistaion that makes all roads so simple.love without a shelve life without any conditions..... Also maybe it has to do with the fact that I no longer have any expectations. Cant describe the feeling its like life is staring at a a white wall. Its when you see perfect take birth and then melt into nothingness that you realise the futility.
I can say today that I have seen all shades of love. Friendship, companionship, fiction and reality and at the end of it all it has all boiled down to me. There was a era of togetherness where there was space for you but in todays space starved existence there is space only for me try making space for you and there is a pretty high possibility that you wont exist.

A known Devil....

Am still wondering, have been for sometime. They say a known devil is much better than a unknown angel sometimes the angel u seem to know turns into a unknown devil. The whole
world then comes to a stand still. Manipulation is intrinsically human but for a hopelessly straightforward entity as me the extend to which people clamouflage themselves just comes as
a bolt of lightning from nowhere. There I stand staring at the sky and my charred soul and wondering what hit me. There is nothing but ugly blackness ruptured by the heat of lies and the wall around your heart is cracked. Within a fraction of a second the cold waves of mistrust drown the faith which used to beat with warmth. As I see faith breath its last I desperately see it flapping its arms for some hope of survival a small twig which may let it live, breath, float. But as the seconds tick bye there is nothing but darkness.Trust when it breaks shatters into a million pieces never to be pieced again and each piece ruptures the heart. Faith is riped apart and torn to smithereens and what remains is a black hole of nothingness....... A mask, a fake idenity, a cloak of lies, a false touch, a deceptive smile , a deceiving look, my unknown angel.