God is selfish

God is selfish,I guess after writing this I am not going to be his favourite,I guess.
Have not been for sometime.He has been nice to me at one point of my life and I have been extremely grateful to him for that.Then there was a time when I thought that
believing in god just because he does a lot of favours for you and makes your life
easy is not fair. Then there was a long wait for life to bring with it some ray of happiness,there was a fight with hoplessnes and I won.today I have lost the game.I smiled when I cried I believed when My heart was torn to pieces a milion times,There was always a tiny voice that said better will come.That bad happens for good. Today I stand at a point from where I can see miles and miles of burning sand
and there is no mirage.
My faith died today,the one thing that kept me going through disappointments from man and from life.I want to believe that I am wrong but today this blamegame does not work. I have lost a game that I tried hard to play.I am wrong I know,there are people whose life is nightmare that I cannot even comprehend. But I cannot forget my tears in the thought of theirs. They say a believers heart when closes opens up to demons that are seven times more powerful. I dont know if I have the strength to fight them,I dont know If I will survive. I just know that today I am standing all alone on shores that are unknown to me.Totally alone without my strength my hope my faith.I have never hated anybody.no matter the pain inflicted. Today I want them to answer. I wnat them to answer me for their digression. for my pain, for my love and for their betrayal,they will have to answer today for my tears and for my blood. The mass that my heart has been turned into, it has lost the power to beat. It lies limp without any kind of feeling and warmth. Its dieing a sorry death. I guess it desrerves it. in this world of selfishness there is no place for a heart that beats with love for love.