I dont know what makes us humans so thankless , that is the reason why we are so miserable half the time also maybe it is this very nature that makes us better than who we are. Its really blessed to be blessed when you experience the divine as a part of your life. Everything works out in the end and that strength is enough to get you through any storm. Yet as I wonder what tomorrow will bring, the happy life I have now filled with love , laughter and smiles seems to paint a very bleak picture....Is this not enough. Three years is a long time to believe that there is something out there for you when it comes to you. When work was always a means to and end ,a family to care for when it does not seem to exist now why is there a void. I so want to be happy with what I have and yet there is that stinging emptiness. I want to be satisfied with what I have yet I am not.
This is scary why would I want to be this person.
I have questioned the divine and I have hated myself for that too, when people are dying of hunger I am cribbing about me disappearing, inst that selfish why am I like this, have you made me like that. wonder how the god men feel, how do they attain nothingness.
What if I am plain lazy, maybe that is a possibility but when all your life is about co incidences and circumstances which have been made for you rather than you making them and all your efforts towards dragging your life in the direction you want have gone nowhere. There is that dump in ur heart of knowing that its predecided and somewhere you hate him for that too.
Its like the lover who brings light in your life but you hate him for making you so dependent on him for your happiness.
Your life behaves like the stubborn bull who wont budge then what do you do. Sit there and wait for it to change its mind ? for something you don't understand to speak to it and make it move its ass. Somebody would think this is escapist thinking but then when u have spend quite some time time sweating trying to move its rump. You would just not care a fuck what the passerby thinks.
This is scary why would I want to be this person.
I have questioned the divine and I have hated myself for that too, when people are dying of hunger I am cribbing about me disappearing, inst that selfish why am I like this, have you made me like that. wonder how the god men feel, how do they attain nothingness.
What if I am plain lazy, maybe that is a possibility but when all your life is about co incidences and circumstances which have been made for you rather than you making them and all your efforts towards dragging your life in the direction you want have gone nowhere. There is that dump in ur heart of knowing that its predecided and somewhere you hate him for that too.
Its like the lover who brings light in your life but you hate him for making you so dependent on him for your happiness.
Your life behaves like the stubborn bull who wont budge then what do you do. Sit there and wait for it to change its mind ? for something you don't understand to speak to it and make it move its ass. Somebody would think this is escapist thinking but then when u have spend quite some time time sweating trying to move its rump. You would just not care a fuck what the passerby thinks.
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