We are code

I like the unpredictability of life. You expect some great miracle but then you settle for the puzzle being solved in the end. Your whole life seems to get over in this waiting and finding. I refuse to just wait. Every moment is living for me, there is this inane satisfaction also in doing nothing.
then comes the fear whether this is self destructing. You are not made to do nothing, it leads to decay. Am I doing enough, who defines that for me. Will I do anything again for any one again. There  ! and I thought that I am supposed to celebrate nothingness. Well I surely can try. Resigning myself to hundred questions has not got me any where have tried that, everybody does. Being a good human being is a tough job. The question is are you one in the first place and who defines that for you.
I hate definitions of  any kind, they are too constrictive. I like my freedom, often wonder are we free in the first place there are six personality types in the world we are made in repetition, I cant break the code. I have to follow it, what i feel and what I do is pre determined by that code. Am sure he finds our struggle pretty amusing. 

Are you happy

I have to check myself every time I begin writing on a blank page. It always begins with " Its amazing ". That is what life means to me. In a world that increasingly becomes insecure with every growing want, my world still revolves around the pani puri at the corner of the street. Isnt life that simple. Apparently its not, its very complex, this I dont understand I have tried to, life gets better with money thats what I have been  told with every medium out there that can communicate to you.  

Happiness, I was happy before and I did not have money, I had people. The book says that every era goes through a life cycle of birth, growth and death. We are in the era where this world is dying the kalyug. 

Why are we like this, why is there so much selfishness, why cant we see anything beyond what we want what we need what we have and what we have not.

We dont need love anymore, we need that expensive car, we need to be sexually satisfied, we need

power over another we need those expensive clothes, we need that vacation in Ireland. I dont understand this it is complex for me. I don't see you happy. You need all this to be happy right. What are you ? 

why r you a rapist, why are you a swindler, why are you a abuser ? why are you a selfish human being.

 Are you happy ?

This Christmas.........

Its white its red and its Green ! Its that time of the year when happiness decides to be toll free. Its amazing how a carol here, a decoration there and my heart begins to glow. Even in the darkest hour he is there. Christmas is not about celebrating his birth but remembering that he is the silver lining to our dark cloud. No matter how bad or how terrible life may seem this time of the year life just becomes more beautiful every person gives a moment to goodness to share smiles.Its not about the presents or sweets or the parties which people throw it is the  sweetness the joy and the cheer that decorates another heart !
This Christmas spend, buy, decorate eat, drink make merry but also try and remember to try and reflect the philosophy of the trinity , give today .. A smile, A look, A chance, A forgiveness,  A time, A care, A hand, This Christmas spend few moments living a life for a father and make him proud.

Signs

I believe in signs,
the way to a place,
the arrow to road,
the smile that welcomes.
the frown that doesn't,
a hand that stops,
a finger that nods,
I believe in signs,
nothing points to nothing
I believe in signs

Hey guys :)

Oh and by the way if you do read post a note :) I write because I love to but it will be nice to know that there are people out here who make it worth my while :)

Right now

I dont know what makes us humans so thankless , that is the reason why we are so miserable half the time also maybe it is this very nature that makes us better than who we are. Its really blessed to be blessed when you experience the divine as a part of your life. Everything works out in the end and that strength is enough to get you through any storm. Yet as I wonder what tomorrow will bring, the happy life I have now filled with love , laughter and smiles seems to paint a very bleak picture....Is this not enough. Three years is a long time to believe that there is something out there for you when it comes to you. When work was always a means to and end ,a family to care for when it does not seem to exist now why is there a void. I so want to be happy with what I have and yet there is that stinging emptiness. I want to be satisfied with what I have yet I am not.
This is scary why would I want to be this person.
I have questioned the divine and I have hated myself for that too, when people are dying of hunger I am cribbing about me disappearing, inst that selfish why am I like this, have you made me like that. wonder how the god men feel, how do they attain nothingness.
What if I am plain lazy, maybe that is a possibility but when all your life is about co incidences and circumstances which have been made for you rather than you making them and all your efforts towards dragging your life in the direction you want have gone nowhere. There is that dump in ur heart of knowing that its predecided and somewhere you hate him for that too.
Its like the lover who brings light in your life but you hate him for making you so dependent on him for your happiness.
 Your life behaves like the stubborn bull who wont budge then what do you do. Sit there and wait for it to change its mind ? for something you don't understand to speak to it and make it move its ass. Somebody would think this is escapist thinking but then when u have spend quite some time time sweating trying to move its rump. You would just not care a fuck what the passerby thinks.

Abhi

Aj agar main chahu toh kal ko pehchan lu,
har hone wali ahat ka pata jaan lu,
chaourahe par khadi hoon main jahan door tak aadmi nahin,
ek khamoshi hai aur koi awaz nahin,
is waqt main jhunjhulahat hai zaroor,
hoke bhi nahin hone ka dard hai hazoor,
lekin aj main  mahshroof hoon,
is jagah pyaar ki chaav hai nayi,
kal ki talash main aj yeh kyoon chodu,
kal toh ayega kaha jayega,pyaar aya hai toh koi jadu se yeh waqt kam nahin

Peekaboo

The stars have written a road for me,
A valley of maybe's wait for me,
The dream is lived in surreal reality,
A moment here a wasted eternity,
Today brings a hope for tomorrow,
magic cocooned in absurd huamity,
A window into a hole of certainity,
A gasp of slipping sand and nothing more for me,
Then again who is to know whether tommorrow could bring something new,
or just wrap the old in a new cloak,
And play hide and seek with you.

Khabon ki kayinath

Dastak du  toh sahi, toh koi darwaza khule,
Khabon ke pankh ko hawa ki roshani mile,
Andhere ki duhai date hai kyoon,
hum tum,
jab khab ki roshani apni muthi main pakad ke chale,
hazaron khab main agar hai apni kismat main likhe,
har raat ki behram jakkad ko cheer ke jab hai nikle,
phir unmain se koi ek kyoon na janam le,
haqeekat ki godh main kyoon nahi khele,
agar ankhein bandh karke itne rangon se khelte hai hum,
kya ankhein khol kar umain se ek rang ko bhi na ujjala milein,
kitne rangon ko meeta paoge tum,
mere khabon main kayinath ke hai rang cheepe,
aj koi ek ko mitake tu khush ho le

Kuch naya

Agar is lamhe main jiyoon to zindagi mukamal hoh,
Ek dar ki ahat main jeene ki chuski le loon,
kal ke toote peeghalte makbaron pe aj ki neev rakhoon,
ek lambi si saas loon,
aur us saas main kal ki ahat bharoon,
Main asha  rakhoon, phir us asha ko aj ke seema par rakh kar landh doon,
phir koi nayi aas par dil lagayoon,
phir ek naye din main grah pravesh karu,
har kal ek nayi grihasti shuru karu,
ek naye chand ka deedar karu,
ej naya vrat rakhu,
har naye suraj ko manayu,
sitaron ki chaav main kal ka intezar karu,
mitake aj kal ek nayi kahani  ke liye jagah banayun,
zindagi ke pyale ko dar aur khushi ke makhmal main mehfoos rakhne ki koshish karu.

Baarish ki dastak

Dhund ki dhundlahat main dhoondhte hai hum ahat,
kisi apne ke aas paas hone ki chahat,
barish ke girte padte boonodon ki thartharahat,
apne badan ko choom ke phisal jane ki woh adat,
khushboo ek nayi subah ki lane wali woh andhi,
apne sath le ati hai kisi ki nazar ko dhoondhne ki jhunjhulahat,
darwaze par dastak jab koi deta hai,
sir se paon take jab bheeg ke kapkapata hai,
thake, huye hatoon main garam garam jalebi,
sirf tumhare sath pehli barish baatne ke liye woh safar ki kahani,
hum poochte rehte hai ki pyaar kya hai,
har barish ke mahine main woh pehli dastak uski haazri hai.

kya ?

Aj sone ki chamak main hassi dhundi,
uske peele dano main khushi dhoondi,
Har pal jo khab dekha tha aj pura hai magar,
aj ake khab ke mayane kuch aur ho gaye magar,
har chhez ki keemat hoti hai,
aj jana ki sone ka pinjar ke mayine kya hote hai,
kal mehez mehendi ke abhushanon main jo khushi thi,
sone main taul kar kyoon nahin milti,
dekhna hai ki kya takat hai mujhmain ke har bandhan ko tod kar,
kya udh payungi,
arzoo aj bhi hai lekin,
dar lagta hai ki khaab sach hokar toot jaye toh kya karungi.

Aj hai Najayaz

Aj ne kal ko ek tasver bana diya hai,
har dard har khab ko usmain usko cheeepa diya hai,
aj us dard ko phir se thoda ji loon,
phir aj ke liye dua na mangu, shukriya ada karu,
aj hath dua main nahin uth rahe hai,
aj wapis dard hai,
aj kal se khoobsurat hai phir bhi kyoon chubh raha hai,
yeh bechaini haram ki aulad hai, jayaz hai phir bhi najayaz

Hoh ?

tum agar padh rahe ho,
salon ka safar aj kuch lafz main padh rahe ho,
aj un salon ka wasta,
aj tum utha lo woh kuch lafz,
aur tham lo mera hath,
aj gum ho rahi hoon khudh ke gali se,
shayadh aj kabhi na lagne wala tumhara sath chahiye,
shayadh aj bhi tum apne kadham peeche kheech loge,
apne aap se kuch pal ja jhooth bol loge,
kal ka sach aj main ghum ho jayega,
phir main tumhara pyaar kho doongi,jo kuch pal the,
lekin aj jo nahin hai, aur shayd kal main bhi ghum tha,

kabhi yaad ajati hai woh chamakte huye kuch bati,
woh halka sa ek gana aur tumhara us gane ka aks meri nazar main dhoondne ka andaz,
phir jab raten akeli ho jati hai,
tab main dhoondtu hoon usi gaane main,
kuch pal ga sahara,
woh ek pal ki muskan,
woh kuch kal ka asra,
phir ruk jati hoon,
kal ki muskanon main aj ki tanhai bhualana shayad itna asan hota,
toh phir shahayad koi asoon nhain bahata,
ek play ki jisam ki garmahat ke liye na khareedta,
na pyar ka naam deke janam bhar ka sath saude main khareedta

Aj

shayad aj shuru se shuru kare,
na khud ko na hi zamane ko moka de,
aj khud se sach kahe,
jhoot ka sahara na le na kisi ko de,
phir shayad kal naya ho,
sirf shayad main na rahe,
haqqekat main tabdeel ho,
lekin shurwat toh aj karni padegi,
kadam toh aj uthana padega,
rasta shayad hai, lekin mukam tay hai,
deri hai phir bhi, hosla nahin hai ya phir asha nahin,
aj phir se shayad khud ko behla diya,
sach ko jhoot ke daman main cheepa diya.

panna

Its been a long time since I have done this, but again there is always a beginning which always starts at an end somewhere and I find myself visiting this end and beginning more often than i would like to but then if u are stuck in this wheel called life rather u churn the wheel in the cage. what do i write, frankly I dont want to.

har woh panna jo padh chuke hain aj wapis khol rahe hai,
kash ki yeh zindagi ki kitab hum kabhi padhna arambh hi nahin karte,
lekin yeh hamare hath main kahan,
hath main hain toh sirf har panne ko har din ek ek kar ke khole,
kahbhi hume hasati hai likhi hui hamare liye hamari taqddeer,
zaroorat se kabhi zyada rula deti hai hamari hi kahani,
ankhen bandh nahin karsakte hai hum lekin,
jeene ki saza hoti hai  ki hum har panna padhe,
kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki humne yeh kahani kabhi pehle bhi padhi hai,
ya phir kisi ki zubani bayan hui hai,
jaan kar bhi phi hum anjane ban jate hai,
phir khol lete hai aur ek panna, aur ek subha ke sath

Satyamev Jayate !

The thought that perhaps my soul has finally drowned in the present need for more, walked across me today. It was during this confrontation that I managed to get a few glimpses of satyamev jayate anchored by Aamir Khan.I Hoping to get the much needed kick in the conscious. Nothing touches your heart except sincerity and that was exactly what was missing from the whole show of fake emotion. With glycerin tears and non existing concern plastered on his face, the question of the hour was lost in the world famous Indian empathy. What needs to change is this empathy, its today that we live in, yet the feeling of subordination that made us slaves of a foreign power for more than a century still rides with us. Recognizing the power within when the damage is done is what we have always done, we fought for our independence when we had already been bled dry and today we fight for our bare existence. We need to wake up and recognize the power we have today, as a democracy and a country which is climbing the ladder from being a third world country and us as citizens of such a power. Female infanticide. Dowry death, emancipation, sexual, financial, emotional abuse we have lived and survived all this and more. In this 21^st century where the press holds to ransom everybody from the politician to the chaatwala, we need to wake up to our worth as an individual. That is the fight we need to fight today to be able to recognize the truth in ourselves and in our situation and have the will and the strength to stand up to the truth. We need to free ourselves from the shackles of insecurity that make us weak, scared, selfish and empathetic human beings. We need to fight not just for an existence but for a better quality of existence. We need to not only recognize and accept the fact that only truth prevails but also have the strength to pursue it then only hum sachai se keh payenge satyamev jayate !

looked back over my shoulder,
to catch the rays of the sun,
hoping for a brightness capsuled in a thread,
the desire of a human is always to want the best,
sometimes its a interpretation that is not always right for your health,
it took just a blinking and darkness caught my eye,
the hope for a glow of sunlight turned into the despair of the inky sky,
a moment that exists now can never be revisited back, if you look over your shoulder,
you would find a twisted right,
then perhaps you rather hold the sunlight in your heart,
the need to look at the reality could end up destroying the image of the light,
a moment is lived through eternity if it resides in your heart,
dont bring it to life in a world past its prime,
the light shall me born again but first the night has to dawn,
it may be of a different hue and could dance a different dance,
but it still would be sunlight that would warm your cold wooden heart.

A new beginning

As the new year is just know at the door and the current year is just on the verge of saying good bye I sit and wonder about how my world has come about a full circle.The beginning was pretty dynamic the hope that every beginning brings the finality that a end carries with it seems to be missing. Sometimes though the finishing line has been reached at you dont want to accept it when you have lost the race. Its when you sit and the stands and see the winners exhibiting their happiness that you realize it is over. Either you sit there and curse the universe for your fate or you go and stand at the start ready for another race. Determined that this one you are going to win.
I stand today at the start ready to set and go, looking at the smiling faces around me, with a big smile on my face, ready to once again run with destiny and fight it for my share of victory