Expectations Hmmmmmmmmmm

Dont expect from the world. Possible ? I really hope that it was a achievable proposition.
There is expectation of life even from the transparent air we breath, then how can you
not expect from the living beings we see and feel. Every move, every gesture , every word
begins a avalanche of emotions that do not stop at just being. The latch on to your carpet
of thoughts and lead you to a selfish universe called need. Well I have tried battling it fighting it but to no avail. I wonder if it is a personal failure as a human being. Not being able to grow beyond the obstacle of me and live a life for you. I think being truthful to yourself is the most important thing in life. Not that easy but then come on who are you kidding ! and if you have a bad sense of humour then toh you are gone!

Saans !

khushi jab saans leti hai,
gam saans thame hume yaad karta hai,
Har uff mein kal ki tasveer banata hai,
Khushi ke aj ki himmat ke samne khudh ko
jhunjhulahte pata hai
satrangon ki ki dhoop chav mein chalte chalte,
agahz se anth tak ka safar mukamal karte hai hum,
sham ki dalti dhoop mein aksar kal ka aks dhoonte
reh jate hai hum,

IT

I dont know what to write once again ! as the zahir says IT has to come and you dont have to do anything. It finds you. Right now I am wating patiently for it to find me but it seems to evade my eye. Any moment now it will come and stand next to me and I will bask in its infinite glory.
Sighs are really not helping alongwith the glass of limca in my hand. Times like these I would
like to lie flat on the bed looking at the ceiling and doing nothing a lot of people I know will
state that this would be the most ideal situation they would ever want and need.
I guess it is not intrested in having a converstaion with me therefore I shall leave and let it
think over its decision.

A drink of of love

Its a long time since i have written long mushy potraits of affection.
Quite a cause of concern for me. Imagine not being able to dream
of black locks and misty eyes and the crashing, cajoling waves.
I guess reality is finally begining to tighten his grasp on my life
and I dont like it one bit. Its been such a wonderfully colourful life.
Love and lost and then ofcousre the wait for eternal love to finally
knock on the door. Its that door which is being hidden behind t
he mould of the crass going ons of today.
The day to day struggles are killing my adventures
of tommorrow and I cannot see any way of saving my mystic forever.
Maybe a glimse, a touch , a scent and the breathless emotion will
come gushing like the torrid meander fighting,
over powering flooding each and every part of my living existence.
Then I shall lay totally drowned and intoxictaed drunk
on the excesses of love. Do I have the strength to battle this gigantic wave.
Maybe no but then the greed to experience unconditional bliss is a demon difficult to control.
As the absolutely irresistible Hrithik Roshan proclaimed
Where love exists is heaven when loves leaves its hell.

KUCH

Do boondh asman,
aur kuch katra hawa,
saans leni ki arzoo,
jeene ka khabon ka carvan,
waqt ke alahad paron ke nishan,
sapno ki chamchamati nagri,
rone ki chah,
hasne ka hosla,
astitva ka maya jaal,
satya ki roshni,
rubab ka andha chasma,
kuch pal ki muskurahat,
aja hath milan mein hu pyar.

love or not to love

I wonder now what love means what existed in bold letters before is a clean slate today.
Quite scary especially for a hopeless romantic like me. I mean what was a overflowing
cup of longing and passion today is nothing but a empty casket of aquaintance. With a
very strong base for a friendship with a forever at at the end of it. Maybe thats the basis
of every relationship a great friendship. I guess its a cliche but then cliche's make the basis
of life, everyday is what adds up to a eternity. In this eternity maybe undying love is what dies !
what survives is need and the immediate solution to it. If the solution adapts itself with your
race to eternity you ahve found love. Not undying driping of pearl champagne and rose syrup
but smelling of onions and heavy sweat after a night's sesion of compromised sex without a
AC.

Super M

Well I thought that I Looked really stupid in it, but on second thoughts

I think I look cute what say!

Fish For thought .

This is what Dreams are made of !

Me again?

Well Just ran through amir khan's blog a few moments before.
He has kicked the butt! well I wonder if he realises what he is in for.
Its been 2 months and counting since I have and the one thing constant about
these two months has been malbro lights. Well I have dreamed,thought and
actually held on to a real stick (yesterday) but it just refuses to get out of my system.
I think I give myself way too much credit sometimes....I guess in every sphere of life! work, relationships and ofcourse thinking that I can give up smoking and drinking altogether.
Mayebe its okay to hide your perfection under a green cloth and shoot
the picture of life with a backdrop of your choice.
A moments pause..... and I realise that the biggest road block
is this constantly yapping thing called conscience. Plus this time I have promised
God and not myself that I shall completely abstain.So the consequences would be life changing(more like screwing....) Well I am sure with the huge to do list that sits in front of amir he should add one more:
Not to think about smoking!
well he is a super heroe I guess people like him dont get up the next morning after a week of
co ordinating,convincing and ego satiation and ofcourse not to forget holding on to a
not yet become bollywood heroines flowing dress as she went in and out of the studio and ofcourse getting ticked of my her ???????? dad( cant think of any adjective)
Cant believe I have previously waited impatiently for months so that I could hold the train of my to be getting married cousin) what a waste all those hours cramming marketing mantras.
Its a Friday morning and after I come back to work after a day of total
dimag ki dhai and tadka which has been a continuation of two similar weeks
(It was very hot u see) I get to open my mail box to a series
of stinkers! Because somebody somewhere in the hierarchy wanted to show
their importance(I can understand if it was my fault). Damn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At that moment I realised that my patience levels has increased a lot! (Or maybe i did not
have a drop of strength or stamina left in me mental or physical)........
hmmmmmm and he does not want me to drink or smoke (God You see) THIS IS CHEATING....
I guess I am expecting too much out of people... solution? Either I stop giving in my hundred percent or just take my reputation of being a bitch to a whole new level.
what do u think?

SELF ACCEPTANCE

The Dark Mirror

Looking at the mirror you see a reflection looking back at you.

You look at it more closely and you find the minor flaws the mar your presence.

You want to look away but they have you in their grasp totally controlled and absorbed.

You look back. Will they still be there or perhaps they have disappeared. Magic. You want to believe. Its a wish that is wished by each human being that breaths on this planet.

Can you hide them behind a mask or some very affective concealer that you get in the market. Ofcourse you can and You do. Then..... in the night when you sit in half light trying to look away from the mirror that lures you with hope of satiation......you give in.

Eyelids flutter with anticiaption as you flirtingly look at the shadowed mirror

playing hide and seek with your own image. You are sizing up your oponent staring back at you from the transparent glass. You are waiting for him to make the first move. You wait but nothing happens. There is silence around you.

Within you there is a storm. Breathing, smouldering,bellowing. A few more moments and you would explode. Time is getting heavy now and you cannot stand the mystery anymore. You need to know now ! its okay if nothing is left with you but accute disappointment.

You are ready to pay the price. In one swift motion you turn. You are standing face to face with you. The scars hit you with the force and sharpness of the december wind and you are gasping for breath. You immediately look away and close your eyes. The ugly will go away. This time you dont.
You look at yourself as you never have before........ with acceptance.

Blanket of faith

Faith is a blanket that will always keep you warm. I wondered a few experiences ago whether
I did not have the strength to face life without it. There was a answer to my my every question
in the kind infinity I look upto which the world calls God and I call father. Was I ready to face life without his assured presence. Could I dare think about this cosmos without his weaving it
creating every thread that binds every moving and living particle in this revolving, evolving
breathing universe. For a moment I did, He had given me the strength to take up every challenge that was thrown my way. Did I have the strength to challenge the very core of my
existence. I did for a moment and he did not let me question my existence further. He smiled
at me and let me know that he is there looking at me,standing by me and holding my hand.
We says god tests us. But we dont realise that we test him every moment of our lives and he
does not complain he patiently assures when we get lost in the fog of doubt and reason.

Grids

I remember reading in a magazine how Karan Johar the badshah of cotton candy romances does not believe in the institutaion of marriage. Glancing across those pages I wondered what inspired him to create fairtales he did not believe in. You need to have some corner in your heart which beats at the tune of a soft fragrance or a fading memory of a enchanting glance.

The hope of seeing a sunset cocooned in the arms of love hearing the thump of your helpless heart dance on the dune of lazy Waves.These threads which weave the existence of romance in a life that struggles to steal moments of magic from a routine listless life.

The question is whether it makes sense to expect to see a idea materialise into reality. Agreed that life is stranger than fiction, but how often do fairytale romances become a reality in life.I have started asking myself that question. Maybe at a stage and age in life when I am finally begining to attach logic to a dream that I had safely guarded.

The travails of a romantic teenager have cotinued to be a part of a matured woman.Here in may lie the hitch. You need to leave behind the yesterday and try and live in today. Finally I seem to have shed my dreams and accepted the truth that dreams and reality exist in the same dimension one in our existensional grid and another in our subconscious.

Our life is a struggle between these two forces the strongest wins.
You either spend your life working compromises to make reality livable or you spend your life a hopeful,rigid dreamer waiting for perfection to find you one day.

Phir

socha tha ke asoon ab sath chod denge,
lekin kal daman bheegane palkon par
dastak dene aa hi gaye,
raat ke andhere pe chupke se takiye par apna
sir rakh kar mere galon ko sehlate ched hi gaye,
unki ane ki ahat sirf mere dil ko sunayi deti
hai, yeh rab ne dua kabool ki hai,
dard seene mein uth kar so jata hai,
unki mooh dikhai per apni zindagi waar jata hai,
gumnam kisi kone se mujhe chedne aye the woh,
wapis chale gaye hai phir,
marte huye mere dil ko
zindagi de gaye hain phir,
woh na ate toh kahani kuch aur hi hoti meri,
shayad dard ke ehsas se maut dauddi chali ati
phir,

Me Narcissist

This is the first time I am trying to write when there is a smile adorning my face.
Though I cannot gurantee the fact that this discourse or thought presentation is going to make a tug at your heart. Its a attempt any how.I am accused of being bitter and pessimistic in life.This is a attempt to prove that wrong. I can be happy and glad and merry,I could take my merriness a little too seriously and go merry go round the mulberry bush( eeesh)
Though every moment that smile is plastered on my lovely recovering from two pimples face,I am scared that I will again find myself standing at ground zero. There I think I am in very dangerous territory possibility of slipping into depression land.Therefore I think I will concentrate on telling you about my happiness. I am happy about being given attention without having to ask for it or fight for it.I am happy about being told that I am beautiful,I am happy about the effort taken to make me feel special.
Well I guess this post is going to reflect the narcissist that lives in me. He makes me complete.
I have never denied his existence, the opportunity never came to showcase him.Today it does and I am very proud to present him to you. Resplendid in a garb that has every colour of love weaved into it. He stands there blushing like a rose and smiling like a dew drop. Beautiful and divine.

A gift from a father to his child

There is morning at the end of the night.A fact that every individual across every spectrum of age and class knows.It is with this one truth that every human being lives his life and dies.Every night is spend waiting for day and every day is spend in the anticipation of night.As I was waiting for my night to end I must have reminded myself this fact a million times.With it I reminded myself of gods eternal grace over my life.Then too at times I floundered and saw myself cursing the gift of life.Helplessness and disappointment can be the most destructive of catalysts.Yet in the our when the night seems the most dark and these two draconian invaders are knocking the walls of your sanity to pieces.
There is a thin rope of hope that you hold on to.
The hope that takes birth from the womb of faith.You suddenly look up and see that glittering rays of gold are blessing you with their light.That moment night turns to day and before you know it you are basking in the glow of truth and love. The first rays of morning, the first eaves of corn, the first calf of the season ,the first child of a mother.Every first is a blessing of god.Expressing his abundant love for you.A mark that tells you I am there to hold your hand and walk the extra mile.In times of intense pain I hold you in my arms and try and ease it away. In my arms you sleep when you cross every difficulty I am there to bless your life with a smile a gift from a father to his child.

Subah

Subah ho gayi,
Ek naye daur ka agahz ho gaya,
Kal rat ki chandi mein humne har khwab udadiya,
Shayad abhi kisi door pariyon ke des mein kisi
Khoobsurat pari ke pas mehfoos hai,
Reh gaye hain kuch aks, thartharate apne ap se
nazar churate huye,ek pal lagta hai unhe bhi azad kar du,
hath uth bhi jata hai,
lekin muthi khul nahin pati hai,
zidh pakad leti hai,
Dhadakte huye dil ko mana nahi
Pati hoon,
Har kar who kuch khwabh sirhane
Rakh kar so jati hoon.
Ke shayad kal ki subah ek suhani shyam
Mein tabdeel ho jaye,
Aur mein inhi khwabon ki chunar hodh ke,
Dhalti dhoop se sharma jaoon,
Aas toot kar bhi barkarar rehti hai,
Ajeeb si kashish hain uske husn mein,
Harte huye insane ko tootne se thamb leti hai,
Lekin Lagta hai ki haqeekat ki thand mein abhi
woh Pighalne lagi hai,
Kuch hi pal ji rahi hai,
Zindagi ke badsurat sach mein tabdeel
Ho jayegi.
Aur phir sirf reh jayegi ek dhoondli si
Yaad,
Door kisi parion ke des mein saans leti
Mere khwabon ki,
Ek zamane mein khoobsurat mere aas ki.

Photo Credit http://www.flickr.com/photos/ladybugsleaf/50193929/

Maya

Love and lost, believed and broken. It’s a existence of was and now,
It’s difficult accepting life as a pendulum that swings between these
Two extreme entities. Perhaps this is the reason the call love Maya an illusion. Because that’s who she is. A make believe world that you weave around yourself keeping you snug in days of lonely barrenness and emotional poverty. A state of bliss and surreal satisfaction. Its just A matter of time till the sun comes up and eats the dreamy mist in a fraction of a second. Suddenly you are woken up to naked reality. The thin muslin that you had covered it with is torn into a million pieces and you are forced to stare at the scars that mar the face of perfection. Love is perfect human beings are not. In this world of infinite uncertainties and pain it is this illusion that we want to spend our lives in. Then starts the journey in search of a mystic illusion a lie that you will buy with a thousand truths. You search for the ever elusive Maya.

Morning Light

Truth and Justice are dead my reader,
What have you come here to see?
A body that’s becoming colder day by day,
Because it lacks the lying ability,
When the price for dignity is paid in dollars,
You see respect bend its knee,
A lone warrior stands in the docks,
Staring at his destiny,
Dripping in blood of every hope,
Of every dream that he had seen,
Yet as he walks towards the Golgotha,
Carrying his cross of success with him,
Tomorrow stares and him and spits on his
Face for throwing it away for today’s honor
and self esteem,
Worthy or not my reader is he of this humility,
A man who lives a life of righteousness can never
Be accepted in this society,
Take away from him the right to live take away from him his soul,
Break him into a million pieces; take away from him his strength
Of yore,
Then what the night is upon him and nothing is seen in the dark,
He shall yearn for a little bit of assurance and sell his honor for a
Spark,
Wait my reader before you think that this is the end for this man,
I forgot to tell you that this is a night and will pass into
Morning light.

A Complete life.

You are a image,
A reflection in still waters,
tanslation of the inner desires,
of wants and dreams,
thoughts chained in minds recesses,
flow into your countenence,
A aura that is so real,
sometimes there is no doubt about your existence,
you are there for me to touch and feel,
I search for you in faces that I can see,
In a smile that lives and dies in a second,
Today wants to believe you Tomorrow knows that you will dissolve,
A dew drop that lives in the dying darkness of the early morning,
disappears in the daylights first curve,
I shall hold you close for the few moments that you live,
you are my reality,in this world of fakes,
In your arms I shall find peace,In those few moments,
A complete life I will live.