Stand By Me

Stand by me my love,
As the sun sets behind the hills,
when the wind is blowing hard,
and your heartbeat is growing faster with
every rustle of silk,
stand by me my love,
As you hold my hand and walk the extra mile,
when you hold my breath with a look in your eyes,
Stand by me my love,
As you hold me tight in your arms,
when the fire that glows in front of us,
lingers in your warmth even at dawn,
Stand by me my love,
As the day turns to night,
When I am holding on to your arm as I obliviously lie.
Stand by me my love,
As I trust you with my life,
When today turns to tommorow,
And I share your silver night,
A wind is blowing across the mountains,
it brings with it a frangnance new of a new tommorrow
and a promise of a life for you.

Decisions are always difficult in life.The fight is between what is right and between what you want.Sometimes you wait endlessly hoping that your wait will morph into what is right.I guess the act has a timeline when you approach the very end of your security blanket you realise your feet are getting cold.That moment is when you start thinking about the time when it wont be long when you outgrow the warmness of those black threads.They say that time ticks like a time bomb.I have never been able to understand the similie.Today as I find time crossing the road and staring at me,I stop and at the moment where I have stopped,I realise that time is no longer my friend.From now on He is my adversary.From here on its a race against each other.Its a fight to win.He is not going to give me a moment to ctach my breath

Aj pyar mar gaya

Aj pyar mar gaya,
jise itne dard se kisi kone mein chipiya tha,
Aj usne mere samne dum tod diya,
ek kavi ne apni haqeekat kho di,
ek ashiq ne apni zindagi,
insaniyat ne apne jeene ki wajah kho di,
aj pyar mar gaya,
asoonoin ka mazakh aur vishwas ki dazheeyan udadi,
aj zindagi ne zinda rehne ki wajah tod di,
khoh kar bhi ehsas tha jiska,
pyar pe fakar tha uska,
aj pyar ne apne chehre se chunni faikh di,
apni badsurat shakal dikha di,
ab kya afsana aur likhe hum,
us din ko aur kya bayan kare hum,
AJ pyar mar gaya,
apko uska janaza uthane ko bulate hai hum,
uski mazhar pe ap bhi do phool chadha do,
do asoon ap bhi baha do,
kabhi wapas na ane ke liye chal diya hai woh,
badnam zindagi jine ke liye chala hai woh,
wida karo use matam karte huye,
Aj pyar mar gaya.

In nothing

In moments of death I find Life,
In flickers of loss i win,
In A hundred questions I find a answer,
In Infinity I find the end,
In today I look upto tommorrow,
In my tears I find a smile,
In depression I find hope,
In madness I find sanity,
In hate i find the refelction of love,
In disappointment I find opportunity,
In weakness I find strength,
In ashes I find a phoenix,
In the desert I look for a oasis,
In emptyness I find space.
In this life that walks alone on a path full of thorns and a few roses,
I find holding on to the softness of a tender life that lives for someone
unknown,unrecognizable.

Juilet Dies

Often I wonder whether I have got the definition of love right.
I guess you define love with your first encounter of unrepressable emotions and flowing hormones.When it doesent matter if you have to compromise on things like self respect and mental balance.I guess love is a kind of a madness .The helpless juliet as she sits next to the corpse of her beloved Romeo is the perfect expression of love at its majestic bloom.The inky oblivion above is a mute spectator to the death of hope and emotion.
As helpless as the beauty beneath its wings.
Drops of stars trail down sparkling with the intensity of pain that is shooting in the bosom of the fair lady.The night is accusing itself of causing its sinister shadow of darkness to envelope the light of love.A fight for togtherness,a battle nearly won and then lost to that fatal moment.
When love is shown a mirror.
She realises that her reflection is nothing,but a mysty shadow of nothingness.
She stands there searching for love to stare back at her hold her gaze and take her on a walk on a bed of roses.Where reason stands still and hope takes a flight of fantasy.Standing there till her legs go numb and her heart beats with a intensity that threatens to steal her breath from her cold numb frame. But wait she must till the end of eternity and even then the warmth of love will evade her.Her gaze is turning into a rock and her expectations are being captured in her glistening body.They are expensive diamonds her dreams.
There she will stand forever lost in yesterday evading today and forgetting tommorrow.
Can there be a hell greater than the one in which she rots now.Where she cant live nor can she die.A situation that is written in books and essays lives in the life of the one who loves.Is there not any penance that lifts this veil of turmoil from her life,I will walk till the corners of the earth and cross the seven seas.If only my love holds my hand once again and looks into my eyes and professes love eternal.Let my heart skip a beat once again,let me want to live in his arms forever, let me feel his heart beat next to mine dancing to the rythum of its beat.Let him hold me in his arms and let me die in contentment.
Alas I stand looking into a empty glass frame.With bitterness seeping into my soul.Slowly dissolving into my inner being and transforming the sweetness into a potion of hatred and destruction.The process is leisurely,taking it own time slowly rubbing the ingredients of pain into every opening in the soul The burning sensation murders every expectant flower of feeling and lays it to rest on the shoulder of hope.There she stands stripped of every garment of blush and bloom,shivering in the cold of loneliness,a icey breeze sends her gasping for breath and she tries to bring some warmth from the recesses of memory when she was basking in red and pink.The picture is very hazy and the face distant.
The colour of love is hers finally as it escapes her body and spills into her palms,
looking into the glassy eyes of her life she finds her dreams fly on a rainbow as the coldness is replaced by the warmth of the nectar of life as she sprays
it on her concrete frame infusing the blue with vivacious red.

As you lie in my arms,
A sigh escapes my lips,
A hope of tommorrow dies in todays dreams,
If you could just live for a moment more,
I would die in your love and live in eternity forever more.

Realization

what do you do when you are standing at that point of your life where there are no crosroads.You can see just one road that goes on forever.
You stand there staring at the dirt track hoping that by some miracle there is a small track that opens up and you have the hope of seeing yourself walk on a path other than the one in front of you.Seconds tick away and you can feel the dust slowly climbing over you like termites.You realise that its either disintegrate into nothingness or start walking towards a destiny you dont believe in.The choice between the body and soul is a difficult one.
Most of the time the choice is not yours.You dont have the strength to take that kind of a decision.Its taken for you.All that is left with you is a question the answer to which is sought by every human who goes through the realization of pain.A essence that is born out of the helplessness of man.

Kal Aur Aj Ki Kashmakash

Kabhi lagta hai ki zindagi aj hai,
Phir thodi der mein khyal ata hai ki kal bhi hai,
aus ki boondon mein suraj ka chamakna,
lahron ka ake phir laut jana,
do pal ki zindagi hoti hai has kar chal deti hai,
jhod jati hai aj ko jo aj ko kal ki himat dati hai,
har pal jo kal mein shamil hota hai apni hakeekat
bhoolane ki koshish karta hai,
hakeekat thak ke har jati hai apni arzu se,
zindagi ki jeene ki khwaish se,
shayad kal aj pe hawi nahin hoga kal ki arzu aj ko mita nahin degi,
dard ki pukar aj mein ghol na degi,
ehsas hai sirf khamoshi ka, andheri gheraiyon ka,
choote choote dam kyon tod rahi hai,
hame bulakar sath kyon jhod rahi hai.,
andhere ache lagte hai hai apni kokh mein hamein cheepa late hain,
janam lena jhahti hoon in andheron se,
cheer ke nikalna chahti hoon in ghehraiyon se,
phir kal se thodi si bheekh mang raha hai jeene ke liye thodi si dua mang raha hai.
khoon ka dariya ban rahi hai hakeekat,
asoonyon se bheeg raha hai daman,
kuch aur boondein baki hai girne mein,
us lal rang ko aur bhi gehra bananeki chahat mein.

PictureCouretsy :http://picasaweb.google.com/Varun.A.Kedia/Vision/

Journey

Its amazing how sadness motivates me to write.
I guess how much ever I deny it I am a sadist.I am writing today and I am not happy about it.Life is like a desert and happiness is like the oasis you meet on your journey.The sooner I accept it the better.YOu cannot stop your journey and stand by the water forever.You have to keep on moving "there are miles to cover before you sleep."The biggest mistake that man makes is to believe that the oasis is their destination.Its when this belief blows away in the desert storm that you wake up to the reality of life.Your feet become heavy and your will dies.The warm breeze drains you of your strength to go on.But you have to.There is no choice but to carry your cross.You are the chosen wanderer who does not have the permission to stand constant.The only thing thats consistent in your life is you.The rest are moments of clouds who shelter you from the scorching heat of life.They come and bring a moment of relief.You smile with a sigh and before you know they move to another place in the sky and you are left staring at the grinning sun above.
You are born alone and you die alone.Your whole life is spend in trying to garner people arround you who can give you the most sought after commodity COMPANY.You cant live life without people thats impossible.But you should live life without any expectations from them.Its this expectation that leads to disappointment.A feeling that leaves you with a void.A emptyness that is more cold than solid ice.
You are a human and expectation is a living testimony to that fact.Sometimes I think when god threw adam out of eden it wasnt death that was his punishment it was the seed of expectation

The Rose

The moment you see a rose you feel the blush of innocence rise to your cheeks.
It could be dark red or a light shade of pink.
A rose is the perfect symbol of love in its various shades.
For me a rose can transform me to a land of beauty in a matter of seconds.
The perfectly sculpted petals and their smooth out turn, the carefully filled colour in gods perfect design.A dark red can talk to you of passion that crosses every line of caution.A pink beseeches you to handle the passion with care.A red that's watered down with dollops of white the symbol of the pure and serene.
Its difficult to describe what is perfect,You are always at a loss of words.
I guess that's whats happening to me right now.They lie against my white wall breathing life into my life with their gentle breath.With each whiff of air they bring to be a dash of their colour and I try to fill myself with their gentle fragrance.
Together in a heap they lie patiently living each moment to bring a smile on my lips.I see them surviving each moment and dieing the next.I look at them trying my best to capture them forever.don't go I say,You are why my life is beautiful,why I get up each morning and smile,live a little more for me I cajole them so that I can feel your smoothness in my harsh life.You make this barren land look like paradise every time i lose myself into the oasis of your colour.
I close my eyes and I can see them dancing under my eyelids. I Close my eyes and I can feel the softness on my skin,I close my eyes and I feel their fragrance playing with my senses,I close my eyes and I can feel love enchanting me with its warmth.

With each rose that you give me,
I see the love that you want to share,
the yesterday that you want to wipe away and the today that says you care,
A hundred hopes one rose harbours a thousand dreams to fulfill,
but that's what a rose is living for to help you built when nothing exists,
A lesson of sacrifice it gives you as its journey comes to a end,
when every drop of beauty is bled to a descend,
but at last as it heaves and lays to rest,
there are no regrets in its petals,there is no regret in its stem,
A life it has lived for others,selfless and pure without any condescend,
even as it lays crumpled,its as beautiful as the heaven above,
For the rose is not beautiful because of its colour or because of its
delicate bow,
Its beautiful because within,
It has a heart of gold,
the strength to give you a smile for a moment
and sacrifice its life on the alter of love.

Float

I don't know what to expect from life,I guess the best thing to do is not expect
anything.
I don't know why things don't work out the way they should.
Maybe they are not supposed to the reason is like a oyster in the deep dark ocean.To reach it would be diving deep into the recesses of the cosmos.
That's what life is a huge ball of energy good and bad. The various shades of black and white flow in and out according to the this tide of energy and all you can do is float.

Bringing to Life

Happiness needs to be brought to life,
when its asleep at your hearts side,
A corner it finds for itself,
Tugs away with a blanket for a shell,
Wake it with loving grace,
pull aside the strands of stray decay,
Looking at yourself with a glass anew,
try and see the corner that you never knew,
cajole it to smile at you,
slowly awake it with a little bit of dew,
drop a drop on its eyelids and see,
how it slowly opens its petal lids,
hazily it will look at you,
as it awakes from its slumber,
its gaze on you shall become stronger,
A little patience a little strength
the rise of happiness shall be a steady ascend,
the day has come to noon and you will see,
the sun is high up in the sky and the night is no where to be seen

This one is for you richa :)

Memories

Sometimes I wish you held my hand when you should have,
Sometimes I wish you would have turned back and looked at me one more time,
Soemtimes I wish you smothered me in your arms and said that life stops here,
Life is walking again and I am walking with life towards a destination I dont know,
Every step I take I realise that you are not going to be there with my next,
Dreams and ambitions are somewhere in bits in the air,
So tired was life with me trying that it left me with nothing but memories,
Of those few moments when I thought my tommorrow will have you in it as my today,
Then i realised that if I was your world I would have been in it today,
There is a price for everything and I was not worth the price of your affection,
Sometimes this truth is difficult to accept,
then there is the realisation that you are not here with me,
The moments of betrayal,
when I was standing by your side yet was invisible to you,
when i tried to hold your hand and you shrugged it away,
when I wanted to cry on your shoulder and you made my tears guilty of that need,
when I wanted nothing but the warmth of your arms to melt my pain nd my suffering,
but then I was expecting too much of your time and understanding,
life was always difficult for you most of the time because of me,
You will always be a part of my heart somewhere tucked away with memories of those cold nights when i was next to you wrapped in your arms,
A smile on my face and the feeling that you will be by my side always,
As I walk on a path which takes me to a place which I have not seen or know,
I take with me what made me smile leaving that made me cry way behind.

Moments of Time

Sometimes life takes you by total surprise and You dont know what to do with it.It teaches you that life is never perfect that there will always be a spot left in the duri which needs to be rewoven or patched. I guess thats what makes life beautiful.The fact that it is not perfect,the various patches of colour that you sew on to the fabric makes it alive makes ,it unique makes it your life.Today I wonder whether I am keen to have in my life the same element I couldnt see my life without. There are answers to questions that never existed,there is a way where no one ever thought for treading.I ahve learned the art of living for a day in a moment. Thinking about life beyond that is a mistake. It leaves with you the feeling of sand slipping from your fingers. When you have no choice but to sit and feel the desperation of not knowing what to do with something you have no control on. I had no idea what it is to let go.Of letting go of control and going with the flow.But today I think it snot that bad a idea.Ultimately most of your life changing incidences happen because they are pre planned they are destiny.Life is a about living the moment the pain.the hate.the love and the rememberance.But everything should be for those few passing moments of time.

Anjam

Hum bhool gaye the ki pyar kya hota hai,
Thehri huyi daldal mein kamal khilna kya hota hai,
Dil dhadakta hai jab koi hath tham leta hai,
nazron se koi pegam bayan karta hai,
taron mein hum apni akhon ki chamak dhunte hai,
andheron mein bhi koi phasana pate hain,
suraj dhalta hai phir se jeene ke liye,
pyar mar ke bhi phirr se janam le hi leta hai,
waqt tham ke bhi chalta hai,
Tum kho kar bhi mil jate ho aksar,
kisi khoi hue gumnam raston mein,
farak sirf ye hi hai ke humsafar koi aur hi chal raha hai,
ehsas sirf ek ehsas hota hai yeh jan gaye hain hum,
insan sirf ek zarya hota hai,
pyar toh khudayi hoti hai
sirf khuda hi usko anjam de sakta hai.

faith

Faith is something that is kept alive in your heart by gods grace. From thinking that he has abandoned me to having him hold my hand again is like going from drowning to knowing what it is to walk on dry land.

Escapism

For somebody who has always prided herself for facing and living in reality.I was in
for a rude shock today.I realsied that I am a escapist.

God is selfish

God is selfish,I guess after writing this I am not going to be his favourite,I guess.
Have not been for sometime.He has been nice to me at one point of my life and I have been extremely grateful to him for that.Then there was a time when I thought that
believing in god just because he does a lot of favours for you and makes your life
easy is not fair. Then there was a long wait for life to bring with it some ray of happiness,there was a fight with hoplessnes and I won.today I have lost the game.I smiled when I cried I believed when My heart was torn to pieces a milion times,There was always a tiny voice that said better will come.That bad happens for good. Today I stand at a point from where I can see miles and miles of burning sand
and there is no mirage.
My faith died today,the one thing that kept me going through disappointments from man and from life.I want to believe that I am wrong but today this blamegame does not work. I have lost a game that I tried hard to play.I am wrong I know,there are people whose life is nightmare that I cannot even comprehend. But I cannot forget my tears in the thought of theirs. They say a believers heart when closes opens up to demons that are seven times more powerful. I dont know if I have the strength to fight them,I dont know If I will survive. I just know that today I am standing all alone on shores that are unknown to me.Totally alone without my strength my hope my faith.I have never hated anybody.no matter the pain inflicted. Today I want them to answer. I wnat them to answer me for their digression. for my pain, for my love and for their betrayal,they will have to answer today for my tears and for my blood. The mass that my heart has been turned into, it has lost the power to beat. It lies limp without any kind of feeling and warmth. Its dieing a sorry death. I guess it desrerves it. in this world of selfishness there is no place for a heart that beats with love for love.

Faith

winning with life has been a dream that has always been achievable.The biggest
mistake I make is experiencing any dimension of happiness. Its not allowed in my life
and despite knowing this I cross the line.Well disappointments are a part of life.
somebody has said that I expect too much out of life and people. Is it wrong to
expect? perhaps it is.I often wonder IF i expect too much or in this world of living life as a island any amount or kind of expectation is wrong.There is a small doubt
thats growing in my head and I am very scared to acknowledge it.Sometimes you dont
want to come to face your own realisations. Its very difficult to let go of your
deepest beliefs.Keeping the truth alive they say is not difficult. It has a life of its own. Lies needs to be fed otherwise it dies a sudden death. When truth needs to
be fed with self assurance. One fine day you stop and question. Is this necessary ?
the truth that was your hope has suddenly dwindled into nothingness and what is left with you is nothing but thing air that which is invisible yet you believe in that
which keeps u alive.Your life is a witness to that truth.
My faith has seen me through a lot of storms.There was a reason to believe and I did.
Its been a very longtime since I ahve found peace.Is it a price I am paying because my faith is not as strong as it is supposed to be ? Are all answers supposed to come from me not from my faith. Today faith stands alone.

Thought !

when life takes away from you answers,
you have to go hunting for them in your heart,
when your heart refuses to divulge information,
the best person to ask is your mind,
when your mind takes a stand that leaves you in a lurge ask your will,
thats the only place where u will find your answers,
tucked away in a matrix of whys and no's.

DUA

words where would flow effortlessly, today take a huge effort to express themselves. Its not for the first time that I am at a crossroad where breathing also hurts.Numbed beyond any kind of justifictaion heart has just stopped to beat. Its very very dark and the night is getting more lonely. The sky is inky blue with not a single drop of a star giving comapny to the lonely space
above us. Blackness has a way of suffocating you, ebbing out your sanity and preservance. I hate the dark anything black brings the omnipresent onto a higher ground.
Its been a long long wait perhpas the longest of my life. It still continues snaking across my existant quitely hissing venom into my perfectly fine life. I guess there has to be a pastence used there. Life was fine today its not. Its a mess, and I have no idea where to start from. I guess some messes have to clear themselves. That sounds impractical but life can be more weirder than fiction. My life cannot claim for itself anything as tall as that. Its as common as you get. The heartaches the
disappointments the hope that one fine day there will be a fairygod mother who will change my whole life into a fairytale with one touch of her wand. Transformation will take place in every nook and corner. In my heart and in my mind, In my house and at my work In the heart of those whom I love and Those I hate.

Aj phir se kahin se dard jhak raha hai,
khamoshi se apni dua mang raha hai,
Ke shayad use is zindagi se udjane ka bahana mil jaye,
ek pal mein is kaidh se koi taras kha kar lene dawaze par dastak dene
ajaye,
hath uthe hai asman ke tarf,
jisme kahin khudai samai hai,
tumhe dekh nahin pate hum lekin mehsoos toh zaroor kar sakte hain,
kabool ho dua ye farmaish hai,
jeene ke liye thodi si zindagi dan mein
mangi hai.