6 Day week Trauma

I hate working a 6 day week i mean isnt it enough that i slog for the existing 5 days with stress
levels hitting the roof that I have to spend the other two combating high blood pressure.
This new job had been a medical nightmare with my system revloting with a vengence. The boss
thinks that we have no life or rather should have no life every living moment is in the fear of
under achieving. Well I dont think things are going to change much unless my boss changes his
philosphy or i change my job. Both things as possible as karan johar being straight.
Anyways its 5 minutes to 7:00p.m and i want to go home......some more sulking can be done then though nobody can beat my brother to it though ......

Azmayish

Chahe hum khudh ko azma ke dekhe,
Har woh cheez jo hame bandhti hai todke dekhe,
kya is jung ka koi fayda hai,jab jise jeetna hai wohi hansil nahin hai.
Har waqt jab kuch dhoondla sa yaad ata hai,ye jaroor sochte hai hum,
ki sapne tode jate hain,har jhooth ko sach bana kar dikhaya jata hai.
woh jhooth ko hum sach mante hai aur pani mein uski tasveer dhoondte hain,
woh tasveer jo boondon se ho kar jhalakti hai,aur usko dekh kar hum muskara jate hain
jal mein ek sajish hoti hai,tum pe hasne ka irada hota hai,kuch der ke liye asman dikha ke
zameen ki haqeekat bayan hoti hai.
naseeb ko karte hain khada katahare mein aur kahte hai ki tum gunehgar ho,
Aur kar bhi kya sakte hai? Aur kar bhi kya sakte hain zindagi se ladte ladte thak chuke hain,
har woh asha tumhare apne paron tale marte hue,ahiste ahiste peeghalte hue dekhte hain aur khade rahte hain khamosh,
asoon aj bhi jalak jate hain lekin na jane kahan se chupke se palkon ki khidki pe dastak deti
jati hain.

HR Woes

Its the 31st of the month and this date usually makes me feel a little useful in life ! because today i usually get to see numbers that are going to get translated into a dinner,groceries,the light i see at night,the salwar kammez i am going to wear and that crazy smile on my brothers face when i let him talk a little while longer to his girlfriend on my phone.Well but today i am not feeling any good at all infact i am feeling very very angry ! angry at being taken for granted when six days of your hard work are just wiped away with a wave of a irresponible hand it just makes your blood boil.HR anywhere around the world is the most @$^&*9 department they thing that they are gods gift to the unfortunate extremely dumb asses who slog their sorry but every freaking day of the week including sunday.when 8 hours is all they will grace their chair with 5 times a week the rest two being the much needed break. When every freaking muscle in your body is singing a himesh reshamaiya tune.

You

Thoughts of you cross my mind
Every second that we’re apartI know that you’re the one for me
I knew it from the start
I dream about your smile
In the midst of a busy day
And thank my lucky starsFor sending you my way
My days are so much brighter
Since you came into my life
I see a world of beauty
Each time I look into your eyes
You bring out the best in me
You keep me standing tall
I’ve never been this happy
Till you freed my heart and soul
I think you are amazing
The best there ever could be
With no doubt I can tell
That you’re the only one for me

thinking of you .. :) Thank you ghassan for filling my life with words that still the soul.

Ghassan is a activist working in warn torn palestine.I have never met him neither will I ever.What we share is
a understanding that perhaps comes from the seed of grief,of truely comprehending what sadness is and of
trying to find faith in the swamp of disappointment.they say that the world is bound with energy every single living organism thrives on this rythum.Its perhaps on this tune we dance,with the silhoutte of darkness as a backdrop.

Friday Blues

I am not cut out to write stories not like i will not be able to but because i do not have the patience.Actually its pretty depressing I mean I always thought that it would come effortlessly.
But sitting in one place for a long period of time punching in words constantly trying to put put my dreams onto paper.Thats a Effort. Have concluded that i like my dreams in my mind space
totally untangible.Paper and black ink makes it look all real i dont like it.
But will attempt it nevertheless,dont like the sound of CANT.
I hate the whole world today.I guess not hate,just cant stand it today.would like to stay at home
and stare at my new BIG television.Have been like that for soemtime actually a week totally
BLAH...........................
The colour that i would actually like in my life is the colour RED.

A perfect Union

If I was sitting to write this yesterday words would have been a stream that flowed effortlessly.
Today is a different story....As they say Impact of a situation declines over passage of time and same is the case with my reflections.Its amazing how life turns out to be a reflection in a mirror.
Whats even more amazing is when it stares at you from a 75 mm screen.
For a die hard romantic ,auntumn leaves and melodious music is a sure shot formula of feeling of
being transported in candy land.Kank delivered all that.what it also delivered was a reality punch.Love can be so irrtaional at times, I guess its always irrational. A emotion that is perhaps
the most intense in the hierarchy cannot have a simple equation to it.
Fear of the unknown and the dark has always been a part of my psyche.Coming back home on saturday night when shadows lined my side,light dawned slowly yet steadily.Sadness always coats you with a film that suffoctaes every breath of hope.It takes a lot of effort for one to cut through that.That night I saw it happen,I saw myslef rise above the long list of wants that had
blocked my happiness and As I did that I saw the light that was evading me for the longest time.
Its not about how much love somebody else brings in your life its about how much you cna love soembody else.As a human being its not possible to keep aside everything and love everybody unconditionally,but it is possible to narrow it down to a select few and weave your world around it.
Yesterday night for the first time dreams were not about a union of a man and a woman it was a
union between a woman and child.

Water Water Everywhere !

Water ! thirsting for a drop,throat parched,dry like the barren land, water surrounding you
covering each and every patch of land devouring your existance wiping away your world.
Working for a medium that is supposed to keep the world updated on the incidents of importance it came as a rude shock when i came back home one day and switched on the television. Images of villages totally sumberged in the womb of angry waters,human forms desperately searching for a piece of land ,where they can rest for sometime where their life
is safe from dissolving into nothingness.millions of people displaced ,Lakhs of people evacuated ,hundreds dead.somewhere the numbers stop making sense and what is left is this deep sense of helplessness.
As i sat there dumbed and astounded,the dance of destruction is happening just a few hundred
kilometers away from me and i have no clue.Editorial call or judgement as they say nowdays
is taken in tandem to the target audience. A urban english news channel viewer i guess is not bothered about the devastation of this magnitude hitting its neighbouring village.What he is really intrested in i guess is the bantering of a old man who has filled his pockets with food for oil money or the new supposedly new kid on the cricket block.
seventy five percent of india is still rural,every peddar road apartment has some of its roots in some form or the other in the soil of the rural farm a ancestor or a help who has left his or her family to come and serve the urban rich. How can there be a disconnect ? what are we trying to say that our sensitivities are dead, that destructions steps away doesnt move us,that all that matters to us urbanites is hyped political contoversy and soundbytes of supposedly superstars.
I refuse to buy this theory I refuse to let anybody believe that are hearts have turned so cold ,
we are a nation of responsible beings where compassion reigns in our hearts supreme,where
we come out on the road to offer warm tea to stranded strangers wont we be concerned about
our brother who has lost everything in this wide world and looks at the sky with a drop of water in his eye.

My Weekend 5th-6th auust 2006

As the rain Gods partied in the clouds above.I spend quite a lot of time in front of my television
staring at tom cruise romance bridget jones.The assault of droplets outside my window and the
darkness that the clouds had cloaked the sky added the masala to my already dipping moral.
All that was left for me to dig into my freezer for that block of ice cream.(i dont like cold in cold
weather though.)But obviously that did not keep me from indulging in more karan johar cinema of the hollywood kind.By the time it was sunday evening i had hit a new low,and was on my third round of mush movie when my television decided to desert me too.I was all alone without fiction
to drown myself in, plan B was the radio.Khayamji was my company and his music dripping with
melancholy filled my world.I was having a nice time,well i know this statement comes as a surprise but a sweet melancholy is like bitter choclate.You have to aquire taste for it.

Badi and Me

She is more than a mother to me.She is the reason why i am what i am today.She may not have given me life but she has given me a reason to live.

Birthday Wine and Chicken !

Me And My Family

Passing thought !

I sit at my desk observing the excitement hitting my news room as lok sabha goes up in flames of dissent and avoidable noise over the leak of the pathak report.The importance of the whole instance totally passes me.Maybe because civics and politics has never been my strong subject. Group politics where a fading politician tries a last attempt to survive.I dont see whats so new or suprising in the latest breach of propriety in a land where politicians call the shots from the infrastructure of a jail,this just adds up to the list.We as a sea of indian humanity are used to it. What worries me right now is the cancer of mistrust that has relapsed in the body of trust between india and pakistan.The much ceased guns and going to be fired again,blood id going to be spilled of unsuspecting civilians and kashmir will gain be reduced to a sweltering hell.

Pictures

Sexuality has been a topic that has always got eyeballs be it represented in any form. Glancing
across my daily dose of mid day i came across a article on a exhibition titled clits and tits. The artist defending the breach of verbal propriety with artistic licence.As I discussed the peg to the
story with a colleague I was trying to advocate the same right.But now as i bring my thoughts
together on the idea,i realise that the visuals have not left any kind of a sensory impact.Then what does the worth of the whole excercise boil down to shock value ?....can he be forgiven for
abusing our sensitivities.I am not against sexuality I am against crudeness.

The walls of jehangir art gallery have been witness to many a artists vision,as you sail alongside each dream you can feel their dreams talk to you alive,draped in colour and symmetry.

This time it is about a thought which perhaps hastily scribbled on canvas with a theme that never forgets to invoke a response. As they say any Publicity is good publicity.

My hope

one of the most amazing things about life is how one fine day you have everything that you wished for and then the next you have nothing .Whoever invented The idea of ground zero should be shot.Perhaps the whole idea of winning after a season of loss is what makes life for intresting, but what takes you on the other side of the river bank is faith.Through all the trauma and tribulations in life thats one magic word that has seen me through the most of my difficult times. Calmness can be very scary,when water stands still there is a errieness which creeps slowly and steadily over you,there is going to be disaster you know its lurking somewhere,slowly creeping towards you inch by inch its like dieing slowly and steadily.Your soul leaving your body bit by bit leaving you totally empty.Its life without a purporse,without a reason,without a crusade.
As I read a 3 page interview of the diva rekha,i got answers to the many questions which have been swimming in my head for a very long time why dont i have any body in y life with whom i
can share my mornings and my nights why dont i have a baby i could hold in my arms and rock to sleep why dont have a home i can come home to . I need to not expect that is the key, i have been told that many a times by many a people,and a woman who is the epitome of beauty and sucess advises the same too.But at the age of 25 I am sure that nirvana was far away from her thought.But I guess it comes with time and with age and the understanding that from here there is no turning back.

But there is hope still even at this spot in life when the sun has crossed over the horizon and that is what i am never tired about writting.

A few thousand for a few words

45,000/- rupees for a old man against a white wall some million miles away in a neighbouring country pakistan.To talk about another man who has brought a country to the edge of desperation. when in a remote village a mother gives her young baby liquor because food is a commodity she cant afford and the sight of her loved one crying with hunger puts a knife through her heart.so she puts her beloved to sleep not with the soft crooning of a lullaby but with the intoxication that the drink brings.

Horns

I often wonder when will i be able to rise above the shadows,its a wait that just doesnt seem to end.My quota of excuses has run out and now whats with me is this extreme emptiness.
I dont know what to do may be I do I just dont want to acknowledge it.Have always believed that you take life by the horns but now I am getting tired,very tired.
They say that when the night gets very dark the sky is just bursting with the expectancy of light,I am waiting for the silver lining and my patience is on the brim of a disaster. I need to reinvent myself .Yesterday I went through those dark tunnels of lonliness and the quest continues.Every day that i have gone home i have thought that tommorrow i shall fill up this space with the menanderings of my heart.But somehow i think and right now i will leave at that
thought ........smile..........wait

From Ghassan

I wonder if it is possible to feel so connected to a person who is a million light years away,and whom you have never met,the only thread being those words that have drapped your thoughts.


Ghassan lives in the war torn palestine and fights with life evry moment of his life,surrounded my poverty and struggle with a brother jailed for his fight for freedom whom he has been desperately trying to rescue....yet his love for life and positive attitude is remarkable,for a man
who has lost a lot and keeps losing a little bit ever more his faith in love makes you want to salute him..... thats why he will always be my inspiration.

So many things I want you to see
So many things I want you to feel
As I sit here patiently
Patiently waiting For the time come
Where your heart beats for me
And two hearts beat as one
So with every flower I give youAnd every letter I writeA new piece of your heart is unveiledFor me to hold tight.

The Stage

Words,thats one thing i am good at,i love weaving words into a beautiful dream.Thats projection i guess.The most ugly turns into the most ravishing and for that moment i escape reality or rather reality escapes from me.There is but one hitch,before you smile to yourself content in the
bliss of a life fair and fulfilled,the mist clears and you are left staring at the ghastly face of the
truth.You cant run away from it how much ever you try,trust me i have time and time again.
How i wish the coccon of my thoughts never leaves me,how i wish i could be wrapped around the
warmth of those beautiful moments,memories and dreams.Alas life is not a bed of roses but a cradle of thorns with a occasional bloom. Which dies a pre mature death,strangled by the cutting,strangling pointers.

Once again life turns full circle, i stand from where i began,but this time with a resolve not to begin the journey yet again,this time life has taught me the biggest lesson of my life that your road is travelled only by you,companions walk by your side till the road leads in their direction,then leave you alone to walk again under the scorching sun,with emptiness on either side inside and out.
Solution to loneliness can never be found,you were born alone and die alone and you live alone,trying and fulfilling every role to its best,the role of a daughter,a sister,a emlpoyee,a boss and last of all a humanbeing and as u essay each role what accompanies is your solitude.To This list is the role of a wife,a lover and u try and play these roles to perfection too,but soemtimes you get carried away.
You think that this is a part played by two. you and him,but here you are mistaken,the biggest
disappointment awaits you at the end of the last scene when the curtain draws and you find yourself once again all lone. The play is over the role essayed and your partner takes a bow,as
the drapes close in on you the hand that holds your hand untwines itself you find yourself standing alone surrounded by darkness and the realisation that you have to cab it home alone.

A Definite watch

Tagline: What is more important: satisfying one thousand desires or conquering just one...

SAMSARA is a spiritual love story set in the majestic landscape of Ladakh, in the Himalayas, about one man's quest to find enlightenment.

Plot
Tashi, a brilliant young disciple, is just completing three years of solitary meditation in a remote hermitage. Brought out of a deep trance, Tashi is taken back to his ancient monastery where he slowly recovers his strength, but his return has unexpected results. Despite a life devoted to the rigors of spiritual development, he finds himself experiencing a surprisingly profound sexual awakening. These feelings coincide with his journey to a village to perform a harvest blessing where he meets Pema, a beautiful young woman.
For the first time, Tashi begins to question the spiritual values of his monastic existence, realizing that one has to experience worldly existence in order to renounce it. Through Tashi's eyes, this spiritual and moving love story chronicles one man's discovery of the promise of SAMSARA -- the world

Mein aur Meri Tanhahi